Two words crossed the television screen as I watched some show for the second time because I hadn’t paid attention the first time it aired. There was a commercial, which is odd for me because I tend to fast forward passed these, however, this one caught my eye, and the words: UNAPOLOGETIC CONFIDENCE.

The words resonated with me in a tingle-worthy way, meaning that I felt it was a message or something I should pay attention to. The product, I can’t recall, but the words stuck. In my youth, while shy, I was always confident. A lot of people in my life tried to make me feel badly for being confident. It wasn’t received well by some, mostly women in my life—they saw my confidence as a threat, an affront, a discredit to them in some way, so I tried to dampen it. I tried to dim my light so that others in my life could feel better, special in some way. I’d hoped they would gain a bit of confidence (and maybe gain myself a bit of slack, so that I wasn’t so resented for simply being me. So that maybe I wouldn’t have to apologize for being me).

People in your life can try to make you feel less confident because of things that are happening or have happened in their lives. I worked with a client who didn’t fully realize his skills, gifts and offerings to the world. At the time, he was going through a divorce he didn’t initiate and searching for a job at the same time. Two very stressful situations that can have the most confident of us question ourselves. We talked through everything that was going on and worked through him defining his strengths and goals. I helped him realize his personal worth and then define himself as the talented man he is, unafraid to list his accomplishments and offerings to the company he was working for and then ask for what he wanted.

As a Life Coach, I want you all to know this as you venture through this life:

  • Be honest with yourself. Who are you, what are your goals, how will you reach them?
  • Define yourself: when you walk into a room, what do you want people to know about you?
  • Know that just because someone says something about you, it doesn’t make it true (positive or negative). It is that person’s opinion. Self-confidence comes from within.
  • What are your strengths? Know them and align yourself with them.
  • Quiet the voices of those who would rather you not be seen the way you want to be seen and received. They don’t have your best interest at heart.
  • Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. Others will only dim your light.
  • Shine your light! Be unapologetic about who you are; your strengths, your goals, your achievements and character.
  • Celebrate yourself whenever you can.

Trust me, as I trust my tingles…when you know and trust yourself, you are on your right path! Know that self-confidence is about you and no one else. A lot of it comes because you’ve set a goal and met it. Nothing feels better than that. No one can “make you feel a certain way” about yourself. It really bothers me when someone says someone else intimidates them, or that another person makes them feel stupid. Think about it for just a beat—you’re intimidated. You feel stupid. Maybe something the person said or did triggered a memory or a touchy subject for you, but these are your issues that you have an opportunity to work through.

At the end of this essay, do know that there is nothing wrong with feeling confident, ask any leader. Bask in it and allow it to let you help humanity in some significant way.