Determined to lose the weight I gained after taking meds to address the DVT and PE I suffered, I took to the gym. I had to surrender to what my body needed: I worked out four to six times a week with a series of cardio, core and resistance training.
Six months later and after a bout of food poisoning which jumped started the weight loss, I am 25 pounds lighter with defined muscles (will show you upon request, and sometimes, you don’t have to ask…).
Tuesday, however, I felt a tingle, a return to yoga had been itching. All weekend prior I would spontaneously strike a pose; downward dog, butterfly, half-moon pose. I remembered that there was a class Tuesday around 10:30, so I heeded my intuition and went to the studio. The class was set for 10:45, and the class was titled, Surrender.
Unfamiliar with this class, I Googled it, of course. It’s another form of yin yoga, which I’m familiar with, however there was a twist. Poses will be held anywhere between 5-11 minutes. This class claimed to tap into the feminine and my tingle grew stronger. I was meant to take this class.
I arrived early so I jumped on my favorite cardio machine—not quite an elliptical machine as it motions side to side rather than front to back—for 20 minutes. When my cardio was up, I entered the studio. There were about 15 attendees, which is light for this particular studio. It was perfect.
The instructor played lovely music that lent itself nicely to what was to come, my surrendering. I allowed the soothing tunes to lull me during the opening pose. My mind raced, it’d been a while, but the instructor’s British tainted voice cut through, willing me to breathe deeply. As I relaxed, this article began to form.
First, I was surrendering my yang practice, the masculine, constant moving, weight lifting exercise that brought me down 25 pounds. That was time well spent as I’m stronger and more fit than I’ve been in almost two decades. I was, however, missing yoga.
Yoga can be both yin and yang. I believe my yang practice outside the “mat” fully prepared me for surrendering to my new yin practice. As I rested in one particularly trying position, I actually surrendered to the discomfort, allowed myself to push past the pain and then the deep breathing brought me back to the mindfulness I needed to embrace. What came to mind was that I would also have to surrender my 20’s.
Back then, I was rather shy and quiet (no one who knows me today can believe this, but it is true). I married at 27 and held several prestigious positions in corporate America. I had a mission.
Today, I’m less serious, way more gregarious and way more confident. There’s a saying, the 50’s are the new 20’s and I think I took it literally as I’m often mistaken as much younger than I am (I’d like to hold on to this and did I mention that I’m in my best physical shape)?
I’ve been reflecting on my 20’s and 30’s, I will take what made me special then and honor it, but I am surrendering those years and embracing my 50’s. I discussed this with two friends and they both noted a “shift in the universe”. Additionally, this all happened during Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. I can’t think of a timelier awakening.
Continue to heed your tingles, you never know the messages meant for you.