When I hear someone discuss how “jelly” they are of someone else, I always stop and wonder…why? Jealousy is a waste of time in my opinion and it does more harm than good. I wonder how many women disparage themselves because they don’t look like the “ideal standard of beauty”? (which was created by select few men). And yes, these standards go both ways, as women have an ideal heartthrob, but the idea of being beautiful is usually directed at women. Somehow beauty falls to us, and that’s fine, but we then need to define it.
I will never be a natural blonde-haired, blue eyed, 5’10 115 pound woman. And who hasn’t heard of the 36-24-36 perfect body measurements? I’m still beautiful as a natural brunette, brown-eyed 5’4, 135 pound woman. Who says I’m not and why would I allow anyone make me feel less? I encourage all clients, and people in general, to find something or many things that make them feel beautiful. Not according to anyone else, but what they find attractive about themselves. It might be his or her tiny ears, pouty mouth, curly hair, it’s something that’s unique, and makes you feel beautiful.
Women who meet these man-made standards naturally, are usually revered and rewarded with modeling and acting contracts. There is a certain “pretty privilege” that some women seem to have, and we’ve all witnessed it. They seem to naturally be more popular, the crush of most boys, invited to all the parties; “boys want to be with her and girls want to be her.”
Trust me, I know it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and there are problems that go along with the responsibility of being pretty, but that’s another blog for another day. Altering yourself in order to meet these standards seems extreme. Acceptance is an easier option. Confidence is sexier.
One can have regret but have that moment and then let it go. Beating yourself up about something you’ve chosen to do seems unnecessary. A healthier response is to find a win in the situation. What did you learn? How can you help another as a result? Seriously. Stop and think about how you can help another person heal from jealousy, regret and shame. That ability to help someone is beautiful.
Forgiveness is an option. We forget that we can forgive ourselves just as we forgive other people. Once we do, there is a lovely freedom that allows us to breathe deeper, step more lightly and stand taller.
And can we speak on shame as GOT is about to air its final season. Again, if you have done something you regret, acknowledge it to yourself, your besties, but let it go. It happened, acknowledge it and get on with your beautiful life. Just know that you are enough, just as you are, you just need to accept that…and be grateful. No shame in that.