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As a child I remember visiting the Chicago public library (the one with the two big lions…a huge sign for me). My parents would take the four of us on the weekend…occasionally my father would take the girls solo, perhaps to give my mother a much needed break. I was in awe at the number of books it held, and the apparent magic that the Dewey Decimal System provided.

Later, book stores, Barnes and Noble and Borders in particular, captured my fascination. I loved the smell of the stores, the fresh crisp pages of the books and remember noting the marked difference between the library and the book stores. I preferred the stores and could spend countless hours there. And I still can. I always wanted to have the ability to look up my very own book and find it there, in the store. I caught the bug early and it never really let go.

I had to learn to trust my instincts and tune out the nay-sayers. I talk about that in the book, how “friends” or family members provide messages, “you can’t, you’re not good enoughne of the reasons I was able to sit down and write the book was to help people, but also quiet those who doubted me. It surprised me when people suggested that I wouldn’t finish it or get it published.

Borders went out of business quite a while ago, however, Barnes and Noble remains. Today, my first book is sold on the site: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/trusting-the-tingles- andrea-wright/1123342936 and I couldn’t be more thrilled, I get the tingles just reliving all those moments and realizing that I realized a dream.

When you trust your tingles, who knows how far you’ll go. Join me on my journey…or let me help you on yours.

I grew up with three sisters, and while I didn’t have a lot of exposure to boys, the exposure I’ve had to date leads me to believe wholeheartedly that “play nice” means something completely different for girls than it does for boys. For boys, the admonishment, “play nice” means, don’t give your brother/friend/sister/person a black eye or hurt them (physically) in any way; or rather, stop roughhousing.

For girls, it’s different. “Play nice” means watch your words and don’t emotionally hurt that brother/friend/sister/person (but usually another girl) so much that her spirit/light/ fight is broken in any way; or rather, stop being so mean.

It starts at a very early age, this cattiness or meanness girls possess, and is it a surprise that it continues through college (think any sorority) and then into adulthood? What is it about bullying another girl (usually administered when in a group setting) that brings about any satisfaction?

I think women need to revisit this idea of playing nice, especially in the corporate arena. I’ve had more conflict with insecure women in a working environment. This includes: bosses, employees, peers, directors and underlings (and maybe referring to anyone as an underling is problematic?) Men, however, rarely engage in the silly antics women employ to shut one another down. Have you witnessed it? It’s amazing to see.

Adult women will team up and target a single woman and completely try to annihilate her: they will employ the push and pull tactic (one person befriends her while the other makes fun of some flaw in a very public setting). They “forget” to add her to the group distribution list, make a point of not talking to her, ignore her, ridicule her behind her back— sometimes to her face if given the perfect circumstance, and a lunch invite is completely out of the question. They hold discussions about her: why she’s targeted. They just don’t like her, she’s too (fill in the blank…pretty, confident, different, “high- end”) but usually, though it’s not discussed, the real reason is because she’s just not a clone. She’s secure enough that she doesn’t subscribe to the “rules” set up by these insecure bullies and just that quickly, she becomes ostracized in a swift, and systematic manner.

I’ve seen it, both sides of it and it’s not pretty. Someone needs to shake the ring leaders and tell them to just “Play Nice” For the most part, these silly tactics are reserved for other women. Truth be discussed, I don’t think these idiots would even target men, not that men would even notice or care if a group of women were aiming for them. They reserve these special tactics for other women they feel are weaker than they are, as they are cowards and masking their insecurity. It’s quite sad actually.

No, men continue about the status quo of getting the job done. They outgrow the roughhousing phase and as they get older, transfer that energy toward sports and other (hopefully) productive things. I think women can learn a little something from the boys in this regard. Let it go already Just because you learned this unfortunate behavior doesn’t mean you have to perpetuate it.

My message to all women (especially if this description makes you squirm): play nice Say something positive to every woman you see for a day and see if it doesn’t change your energy for the better. If you can’t manage to get past your terrible tween’s, contact me. I’m a life coach. I can help you get on the right path.

Dating can be fun. A time to learn more about y=
ourself: your wants, deal breakers and idiosyncrasies, and at the end of on=
e, you may have even met your soulmate! But before we identify your potenti=
al life partner, you must be transparent in your relationships and represen=
t yourself authentically. This doesn=E2=80=99t always happen, so know that =
both parties will be better served if they go into relationships with their=
eyes wide open.

I’ve been a bit conflicted by this notion of life being a fairytale. Somewhere along the way, I began to equate the word fairytale with fallacy; the idea that women are indeed Princesses waiting for their Prince Charming to come along and sweep them off their feet. Post beautiful and perfect engagement and then spectacular wedding, life is indeed wonderful and full of special moments, warm deep soulful kisses, and tender nights.

I mean, who wouldn’t want that? However, in most fairytales, there’s always some obstacle to overcome, be it an evil stepmother, jealous sisters, a hateful brother, envious “best friends” or overbearing parents. The stories all end the same way, love prevails for the two love birds and they wind up in wedded bliss.

I’ve dated, married, divorced and dated again (that’s a whole other blog…) so I’ve seen my “fairytale” go up in smoke. There was something that resonated with me Sunday night as I watched Once Upon a Time. A thought came to me: I think we can definitely have our fairytale if it’s what we truly want. I think the obstacles are different here in reality: the spouse you chose to marry, the career you believe you should have and sacrifice for, the dream you’re chasing, the idea of perfection you hold out for…wait, there’s a common thread: YOU.

I think we are the obstacle in the way of our fairytale, and when we figure that out and let go of fear and the negative thoughts that run our lives, we open ourselves up for true love and happiness: the fairytale we want.

Maybe that’s the true fallacy…that there’s an obstacle outside of us, that it’s not really in our control. Regardless, I think the “ideal” looks different for everyone, but happiness is definitely yours (the collective yours) for the living.

The answer to this one is varied. It really depends. I have a friend (male and clearly analytical) who puts the women he’s dating in a spreadsheet to determine if he should continue to date her seriously.

Everyone has their “assessment” tools, but nothing beats how you feel as opposed to what you think. How you feel is your best barometer. One can’t measure love, one can only feel it.

“But Andrea, you ask, how do you distinguish between love and infatuation?”

My not so simple answer is that you have to be in tune with yourself and take all the tangibles out of the equation: your age, your friends/siblings marital status, how lonely you may be, etc. Specifically, you have to get out of your head and into your heart.

Think of it like a job. You don’t read a job description and jump in head first because it reads well. You take the time to do a little research and objectively determine if you’re a good fit based on what you’ve learned; the job calls for someone with five years of SEO experience and you have none. You can either: take a crash course in Search Engine Optimization and fake it through the interview when deep down, you know you’re not the best candidate for this job. Your other option is to fully admit that you don’t have SEO experience, but that you’re a quick learner and have other, comparable experiences. That might get you an interview.

At the interview (dating) stage, you have a real opportunity to get to know the organization, the people you’ll be working with, and the environment. While you’re trying to impress everyone, you also have to keep an eye open for how you’re feeling about the job. Do you like the people you’ve met? How did they make you feel: Welcomed? Respected? Irritated? Rushed? Unimportant? Is this something you want to do and devote forty hours a week to? Are you okay with this for the next 4.6 years(the average length of time one spends in a job today)?* What’s your motivation? Is it a good fit for your personality or are you just interested in the surface things: higher salary/status or have you dug deeper, and know that this role will prepare you for your future? Are you just fed up with your current job and want out?

Ok, you’ve decided that everything is perfect, the position is tailor made for you, you like the environment; you respect and even like your potential boss. The company has legs (meaning you can grow there). They propose (offer the job) and you accept. You wait out the honeymoon (engagement) period (in this case the probation period which is usually 3-6 months). Here’s your (and your new employer’s) chance to see if it is a match made in heaven.

Are you the right and perfect person for the job, or now that you’ve secured it, you’ve changed a bit, and not holding up to your end of the bargain. Maybe the company isn’t delivering on the promise. Here’s your chance to heed any warning signs and get out unscathed. You don’t have to stay just because you signed the contract. You still have options if things look murky. The same rationale can be applied to finding the (W)right one as I’ve tried to demonstrate throughout this posting. Anyone who’s taken a job simply because it looks good on the resume or they’re trying to get out of their current predicament knows that the joy is short-lived. So, too, is the case when we jump into relationships too quickly without When the honeymoon is over and things are, so, too is the relationship. That little bit of research and self analysis is golden. Be happy and make good decisions.

I read an article by J. Courtney Sullivan on Oprah’s website today, and while I agree with her five promises, I immediately thought of five more that I would recommend. And here they are:

1. Fall in love with at least one person and if it’s only one person, may it be you
“Ain’t love grand?” it’s a famous quote, and oh so true. Nothing beats love. Everything about it:
the initial glimpse, the falling, and then the sheer comfort and joy of being in love. There’s a peacefulness about accepting yourself (or a significant other) just as they (you) are. One typically drops the notion that they have to please everyone around them or that they must be “perfect” when they love every bit about themselves. There’s also the saying (that I agree with) that you can’t truly love another until you love yourself.

2. Meet as many soulmates as you can
There are several definitions of soulmates, however, the one that makes the most sense to me, is that as we journey though life, we meet people with a particular message or they provide a much needed service. When we learn the lesson and evolve, we open ourselves up to new messages and thus new soulmates. This section could easily be titled: “Keep evolving”, but I like the idea of soulmates . It’s much more romantic.

3. Take a vacation solo
I do quite a bit solo, but I haven’t always. Post college, I remember running into an old acquaintance at a party. She turned me on to another party, but she wouldn’t be attending and suggested that I just go alone. I was taken aback by the suggestion, why would I go alone? Years later (not too many) I began venturing out solo, and I can honestly say that I prefer it in most situations. I tend to meet way more people when I’m the only person I know in the room, and this suits my personality.

Other than business trips (where you’re really not alone), I’ve not taken a solo vacation, however, it is on my to-do list. I relish the idea of doing exactly what I want to do when I want to do it on some tropical island. The idea of a meditative few days alone seems simply divine. No kids, no spouse, no worries, just me.

4. Write a memoir
You don’t have to be a writer to write, however, I believe that we all have a very interesting story, that if shared with the world, it would resonate for many, if not a few. There’s something about reliving moments in your life in detail that appeals to me. It can be cathartic, refreshing and nostalgic all wrapped in one. It’s always good to see how much you’ve grown or to just relive a pleasant moment.

Your memoir doesn’t have to be published, if that’s not your goal, but I think back to the movie, The Bridges of Madison County and how the main character’s children got to really know their m other through her diaries. Beautiful.

5. Create a signature dish
At some point in your life, you will be asked to “carry a dish” to a fill in the blank: (pot luck, holiday dinner, work function, family outing) and it takes a lot of pressure off, knowing that you have a perfected dish that is sure to please all who aren’t allergic. In my twenties, it was a layered dip and I was constantly asked to carry it to family functions. While delicious, it was a bit time consuming, so make sure yours is simple enough to whip up at a moment’s notice.

In my thirties, I retired it and my go-to dish became my spinach dip. These days, I’m the appetizer queen at most family functions and I’m comfortable with this. I have three dishes I can conjure up within a day’s notice, and I’m confident that it will be the best appetizer in the room, and will have everyone asking, “who made this?” I can confidently say, “I did. Would you like the recipe?”

Honorable mention: Start your own business
Or business plan. Should something happen, forbid, to your current corporate career, what would you do? This business may never come to fruition, but it could and you’ll be ready with a business plan in hand. Treat it as an important hobby and at the ready stand by. Who knows, if you flesh your ideas out enough, garner an interest in them, perhaps one of them can be your second (first, or fifth) career.